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I Look Like Shit

by Jeff Rosenstock

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1.
Twinkle 04:19
While you were asleep Pulled my hood to block the light from the TV Turned the volume up to distract me from constant noises Leaking under the apartment door It doesn't help I get up and I crawl out and don't hear more Make a barricade of full trash bags and empty boxes Perched behind them, closely watching While you were asleep On the couch, watching a movie, smoking weed Rummaging through the utensils in the kitchen counter, In the drainer, which one's sharper. When the light creeps in loosen my grip and crawl back into my bed. Your alarm is set to go off in a half an hour. Eyes closed. Fake snore. None the wiser. Victoria made me happy Now I can only be scared And people tell me that time can fix the wound. But that's crap. 'Cause she's not coming back And life's unfair. I'm always anxious and worried. I'm always freaked out and scared. And people tell me that time can fix the wound. But that's crap. Vicki's not coming back. And I scream, "Why did I get left behind?" I know it's an exaggeration to say I would rather die than share this place with people capable of inspiring such fear and hopelessness that I'm frozen in my bed... but that sums it up. Teenage halloween Hot safety pins in nozzles of shaving cream Spend the evening spraying cars, toilet papering houses What's the harm in smashing pumpkins? Decades on, with kids And I don't let them go out past dark. I sit on the front porch with a shotgun While they're upstairs sleeping. Total darkness. Love. Protection.
2.
(wrong lyrics by jeff rosenstock) I am not Jesus though I have the same initials - I am the man who stays home and does the dishes. & how was your day? Is that woman still trying to do your head in? A man told me to beware of 33. He said, "It was not an easy time for me" but I'll get through even though I've got no miracles to show you. I'd like to make this water wine but it's impossible. I've got to get these dishes dry. I'll read a story if it helps you sleep at night. I've got some matches if you ever need a light. Oh I am just a man but I am doing what I can to help you. And I'm not worried that I will never touch the stars 'cause stars belong up in heaven And the earth is where we are. Oh yeah. And I feel happy just to be alive. And that seems possible. You've got no Cross to bear tonight. Ah No not tonight, Ah. No not tonight, Ah. I am not Jesus though I have the same initials.
3.
Worried about the rodents and maggots in the trash So I won't empty the trash. So I won't empty the trash. Worried about the moldy dishes And spiders in the drain So I won't do no dishes today And I won't eat no dinner today And I won't write no letters today. Freaked out by the roaches And I don't like to spray them 'Cause I don't like to spray them I just stay out of the kitchen. It's not bad. It's not like somebody died. In five years, it'll be out of your mind But I can't seem to feel alive today. You're standing on the side of the road. I'm circlin' the block. Killin' time. I feel like I'm lost and alone. Circlin' the block kills time. I won't empty the trash, the trash, the trash. It's not bad. It's not like somebody died. We're all sad but we're probably fine Even if we just don't feel alright today. You're standing on the side of the road. I'm circlin' the block. Killin' time. You're waiting and I turned off my phone. Circlin' the block kills time. I won't empty the trash, the trash, the trash.
4.
Snow Charges 03:38
There's a patch shimmering under the sky On the south corner of Bushwick, on the residential side And I'm afraid I'll slip. Most days when it's cloudy and all nights I stay inside But it's 2:30 on New Years' Day and outside it's looking bright And I could use some chips and a bottle of soda For my quest to rescue Zelda. Trying to be brave, I touched the puddle to my tongue And within a millisecond the bottom of my face went numb And no one on the street knew anything was wrong. So I tried to wave my arms to find that they were frozen too And I tried to run away, my legs felt like they were stuck in clue And I started to hear a storm. Through my ears poured freezing rain And it froze my freezing brain. A handful of neighbors gathered underneath the awning of the laundromat 200 feet from the front door of my building And it smacked my like a pinball And it crushed me like a wrecking ball I was swallowed by a cold duvet And the kids are gonna have a snow day. I couldn't bear to find out how the story was gonna end So I closed my eyes and went to sleep and no one found me dead 'Cause everybody stayed inside 'til March. And a patch of flowers grew out of the concrete where I lied Some boy picked a dandelion to give to a girl he liked And she gave him a kiss that warmed his lonely heart. Now they hold each other tight And stay in on winter nights.
5.
Miles away and I can't seem to shake the smell of your car in 2003: beach air, bad tunes, stale smoke and junk food. Tell her to stay and you'll scare her away. Staying the same just makes everything change. I'm plowing right through friends I don't talk to. Seasons seem to see me sliding out of view. 80's through the 50's. Breezes make me think of you and I'll count down the days just like I count down before I go away. I'm owning up to not being there for you. Seasons seem to see me sliding out of view. 80's through the 50's. Breezes make me think of you when you see me sliding out of view. It got chilly this Saturday and with my hands in my pockets I walked around in circles like "Oh no, I'm totally fucked." It's one thing to grow old but I'm collecting dust. 'Cause nobody needs me. Nobody needs me. Nobody needs me the way that I need you.
6.
Little blue pills Bottles of codeine lying On the shelf at dawn. Sleeping soundly With traffic gently humming Down the boulevard. I hate the morning light Because with every night A little earlier It seems to get too bright It squeezes through the blinds Dissolves into my eyes And I hate the sunny side. Calling good friends And calling total strangers Meet me at the bar. Throw the card down And leave the fucker open Like I turned twenty-one. And when it's dark inside I'll take a taxi ride Down to the eastern side Before it gets too bright I pull the curtains down I let my head spin round And my ears ring over the sound. My ears ring over the sound. I upped the dosage and cleared my bank account 'til everything was gone. Now the circles around my eyes grow wider. The lights are always on. And every single night I hold the covers tight Until I toss and turn And see the creeping light I turn things off and on and on and off and on. And I sleep for fifteen minutes like an infant 'til alarm clocks buzz Through the cracks of the windows from the neighboring apartment until I wake up So I'll slip next paycheck into bottles brown and amber 'til it's all gone So I'll sleep next paycheck with the fitful fucking terror 'til it's all gone.
7.
I want you to know I'm glad you're not dead. All the hate in my heart has gone out of my head. It took me some time but I understand That I made enemies where I should have made friends, 'Cause it's way too much work to hate your old friends. I want you to know that I'll be alright If you feel like I do and you're over the fight Sure, there are times when I can't get by But show me a person who always feels fine And I'll show you a lying sack of shit. But oh, I know I wouldn't think about me too But the smallest things make me remember you And it's hard when I know we were such good friends And it's hard when I know that we can never be friends. There are times when I miss my friends When I look through old pictures Think about you again. And I hope that you're happy that I'm not dead And we both ended up kinda okay in the end.
8.
Bonus Oceans 03:18
Yeah, I've got friends who wanna catch up on old times But that just makes me feel ashamed to be me. And I've got friends who wanna relive the past And deify memories And they just scream to me That if you don't die young You're gonna live too long. On the stoop of the apartment next to my shitty job An old friend passed me on the street today I said "Hello" and tried to catch up on old times She walked the other way. Maybe I seemed to scream That if I got cancer or somebody shot me I'd be like a child or something, Asking doctors to do me favors or cross my fingers and hope it gets better Like a broken record, I seem to scream, If you don't die young, you're gonna live too long. I was getting drunk in a foreign ocean Trying to wrap my head around problems And all my bitterness just seemed passe. Because I realized as soon as I said it How long it'd take to swim from Jones Beach to Indonesia And maybe you're waiting on a call from me. And maybe you're working in a crowded restaurant And you're the one who's got a life so fucked up that you don't know what happened. Just like you saw me working at some restaurant Embarrassed 'cause my life was just so fucked up. And I don't know how it happened.
9.
Amen 05:58
Waiting to go to school on some suburban road They took my backpack and emptied it in the snow The kids at the bus stop screamed nothing. I saw an old lady one time on Astor Place steal an old man's glasses and punch him in the face Me and the others screamed nothing. And what's the difference if the bombs fall from the sky And what's the difference if you like being alive Yeah what's the difference, 'cause we're all just gonna die. A crucifix and two framed pictures of the pope I passed them all as I got evicted from my home. My Catholic landlord screamed "Amen." We don't believe in God or spirits in the sky. Unless we're desperate and need to justify the shitty things we do so we apologize "Ya gotta get rid of my guilt, God." Before I fled the scene I smeared my shit along the baseboards Took the moldy foodstuffs, lined them up along the tile floor Jerked off on the window screen, fridge open and toilet running Barely felt reprieve before the deluge of regret came flooding Now I can't get to sleep because I have this useless conscience. And I can't get revenge due to this stupid moral compass. And honestly I feel that all these feelings aren't worth it in the end. We don't believe in God or spirits in the sky Unless we're desperate or know someone who died. We gain perspective and we start to change our lives Then still do shitty things when the moment arrives. So what's the difference if the bombs fall from the sky So what's the difference if you like being alive Yeah what's the fucking point of thinking as you die "Ya gotta forgive all my sins, God."
10.
(phonetics and rough translation by bob vielma, incorrect lyrics by jeff rosenstock) junjo karen na kimi o kimochi yoku shitai junjo karen na kimi o gucha gucha ni shitai junjo karen na kimi o hundari kettari junjo karen na kimi no shotai wa maho tsukai I don't wanna die I don't wanna die I know I'm gonna die. junjo karen na kimi to annin dofu tabetai junjo karen na kimi to Weezer kikitai junjo karen na kimi to shuriken nagetai junjo karen na kimi no kakei wa maho tsukai I don't wanna die I don't wanna die ai wa donnan dai koi no jumon tonae naide yo boku wa mo kimi no koto shika mienaku naru yo JESUS! YES YES YES YES YES dakishimetai dakishimetai dakishimetai kowareru hodo oppekepe oppekepe oshibe to meshibe wa oppekepe koi no jumon tonae naide yo (koi no jumon tonae naide yo) rabu rabu shiru haranaide kure yo boku wa mo hone ni naru made kisu shimakuru yo JESUS! YES YES YES YES YES dakishimetai dakishimetai dakishimetai kowareru hodo ---------------------------- Rough translation: I wanna make pure and sweet you feel good I wanna get sloppy with pure and sweet you I wanna mess up pure and sweet you pure and sweet you are a sorceress I don't wanna die x2 I know I'm gonna die I wanna eat almond tofu with pure and sweet you I wanna listen to Weezer with pure and sweet you I wanna throw ninja stars with pure and sweet you pure and sweet you hail from a lineage of sorcerers I don't wanna die x2 What the hell is love? don't cast a love spell on me I already can't look at anything else but you Yes x5 I want to hold you x3 until you break It's no good!! It's no good!! I can't make it better!! Its no good!! don't cast a love spell on me Don't stick a love love sticker on me I'm already going to smother you in kisses until I'm dead Yes x5 I want to hold you x3 until you break

about

ALL OF MY RECORDS (INCLUDING THIS ONE) ARE AVAILABLE FOR FREE / DONATION AT www.quoteunquoterecords.com.

Jeff Rosenstock runs Quote Unquote Recordsl. He has also spent the past fifteen years being the main songwriter for Bomb the Music Industry! and The Arrogant Sons of Bitches as well as playing in Kudrow, Laura Stevenson and the Cans and other bands. This is a collection of home recordings from 2010 - 2012.

Okay, so here's the deal. There's a lot of songs here. A handful of them were demos for a Bomb the Music Industry! EP called I Always Dread The End Of Summer, but shit got busy and that didn't end up happening. And then a bunch of them was for a slower record I was working on called I'm Serious, I'm Sorry, but it wasn't really coming together terribly fast and who the hell knows if that'll ever happen. However, I do know that if leave a bunch of food on your kitchen counter for too long, that shit is gonna get moldy, start attracting flies and smell like shit. So instead of having these jams just sit around doing nothing, here they all are along with some more new songs and some covers in full noisy drum machine shitty vocals glory.

credits

released October 23, 2012

All songs by Jeff Rosenstock except where otherwise indicated. Recorded by Jeff Rosenstock at Quote Unquote Records #5/Really Records #1 and Quote Unquote Records #6/Really Records #2, Brooklyn, NY.

Photo credit: Christine Terese Mackie

The majority of this record is about fear and death. These songs are pretty much not about good times, but I actually love good times. I have a lot of really wonderful friends all over who make life worth living, and I am super lucky to have 'em. Fuck yeah! Thanks guys!!!

A special thanks to Ian Graham and Matt Keegan for always listening to my demos and encouraging me, to Laura Stevenson, Mike Campbell and JT Turret for convincing me that it's okay to release songs with lyrics that I may think are too dark and reminding me that those are actually the only lyrics I ever want to listen to, and of course a double plus extra thanks to Christine for puttin' up with the ruckus.

Oh yeah, and thanks Bob for the translation!!!

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Jeff Rosenstock New York

Hello. I'm Jeff Rosenstock. In 2007 I started a free/donation-based digital label called Quote Unquote Records. I also used to be in the band Bomb the Music Industry! and then that band stopped. Now I just do this stuff. Hope you like it!

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